QT- I’m Almost Died
Chapter 214. Dr. Song’s Dark Past
TN: 1. DaBo= Uncle, 2. XiaoDi= Younger Brother
When Fan Jialuo smiled and said he would give him a complete world, a stunned Song Rui almost fell into the bathtub behind him. He steadied himself and tentatively asked, “What do you mean by a complete world?”
These days, young people often say “I’ll give you my whole world” when confessing their love. Does the complete world in the mouth of Fan Jialuo refer to that kind of world? Does he even have that romantic cell? Song Rui’s emotions were stirring restlessly, yet his rationality repeatedly admonished him not to read too much into things.
Through their clasped hands, Fan Jialuo sensed his turbulent emotions and raised an eyebrow in surprise. However, he held Dr. Song in high esteem and would never presume to pry into his thoughts without his consent. Therefore, he could only ask curiously, “What are you thinking about?”
Song Rui immediately composed himself and asked, “What did you mean by what you just said?”
Fan Jialuo shook his head and simply continued with his questioning, “Can you feel the sorrow of death?”
“I can.”
Dr. Song’s answer surprised Fan Jialuo, who could only continue to ask, “And what about happiness?”
“That works too.” Song Rui nodded firmly.
“When did your emotions become complete? I didn’t even know.” Fan Jialuo tried to let go of Dr. Song’s hand. He thought this gift was what the other person needed, but now it seemed that wasn’t the case.
Song Rui held his hand tightly and said with a smile, “As long as I have you, I can feel all emotions. Through you, I have experienced the sadness of death and the joy of life. You are a window that allows me to see the outside world.”
Fan Jialuo suddenly realized, tapped his wrist with his fingertip, and guessed, “Is it because of my magnetic field? Does it help you sense external emotions?”
Song Rui: ……
He suddenly realized that he had been a complete fool for hoping that Teacher Fan would say something romantic.
“Fan Jialuo.” Song Rui pulled him closer, gazing deeply into his dark eyes, and said earnestly, “I can sense those emotions through you simply because you are you, not because of your abilities. When you are sad, I am sad. When you are happy, I am happy.”
Seeing the young man’s furrowed brows and confused expression, he quickly changed the tone of his words, “After all, you are my only friend, and I can’t be indifferent to your feelings.”
The concept of an “only friend” was equally important to Fan Jialuo, so he instantly understood Dr. Song’s meaning and chuckled, “You care about my feelings and have slowly learned to empathize? What about others? Does this ability to empathize work on others?”
Song Rui shook his head and sighed, “…It’s ineffective.”
Fan Jialuo sensed his weariness, powerlessness, and helplessness, and assumed that he was troubled by his lack of emotion, so he lowered his head and whispered, “So today I want to give you a gift, so that you can experience the true face of this world with complete emotions.”
Song Rui looked at the young man in surprise, unable to understand his words.
Fan Jialuo intertwined his fingers with his and slowly said, “Just now, He Jinglian gave up her ability. Although I cannot transfer it to you, I can help you temporarily regain empathy. The world that the human eye can see is incomplete, only by adding emotion and thought can it become three-dimensional. Dr. Song, I want to open this tightly closed door for you and take you to see the complete world. Are you ready?”
Song Rui was stunned, and after a long while, he said in a hoarse voice, “I’m ready. Fan Jialuo, why are you doing this?”
Fan Jialuo said matter-of-factly, “Because I want you to be whole, I want you to know what this world is like as everyone can feel it, I want you to have no regrets.”
Song Rui was dazzled by the brilliance in his eyes. His heart, which had just slowly succumbed to exhaustion and weakness, was now pounding wildly. The young man could never have imagined the impact his words had on him. So this was what he meant, he wanted to mend his broken soul and life, he wanted to hold his hand to experience the real world. Such sincerity could never be compared to verbal declarations, nor could it surpass the value of priceless jewels.
While Fan Jialuo may lack romantic cell, his pragmatism, gentleness, and thoughtfulness possess a charm that is arguably the most irresistible in the world.
Song Rui stared at him intently for a long while before finally saying in a hoarse voice, “Fan Jialuo, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Shall we begin?” Fan Jialuo leaned down, his dark eyes filled with anticipation.
“Let’s begin.” Song Rui held his fingers tightly.
Fan Jialuo slowly bent down until his forehead touched Dr. Song’s forehead, then gently channeled a wisp of his thought into the other’s mind, allowing it to merge into that blank space. This process was incredibly wondrous, like the fusion of cold and hot water, like the collision of cyclones, two completely different thoughts slowly yet urgently converged, gradually becoming indistinguishable.
This is a story of mutual inclusion, where my abundance completes your deficiency, and my warmth comforts your coldness. They were originally completely independent individuals with diametrically opposed personalities, yet at this moment, they have become one.
Song Rui had no way of knowing what Fan Jialuo was feeling, but his own experience was breathtaking. When Fan Jialuo withdrew his consciousness, he almost pulled him into his arms and imprisoned him. Through his eyes, he saw a whole new world, and through his consciousness, he understood what joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness were.
His world, once a void of darkness, was now bursting with vibrant color. He began uncontrollably replaying the first half of his life in his memory, piecing together precious fragments. He saw his younger self receiving his first birthday present, experiencing belated joy. He saw his teenage self facing his first setback, feeling belated frustration, then he saw a twisted, mangled car, and inside, two blood-soaked faces, and his heart suddenly began to clench with pain……
He clutched his chest and let out a hoarse, low cry.
Fan Jialuo quickly helped him up and asked anxiously, “What’s wrong?”
Song Rui gasped for breath, “I have to go somewhere, right away.” He stood up unsteadily and staggered out, as if he had suffered a serious internal injury.
Fan Jialuo immediately found the car keys, then knelt down to change Dr. Song’s shoes, frowning as he asked, “Did my thoughts hurt you?”
“No, I have something to do right now.” Song Rui put his hand on his shoulder, his expression a mix of crying and laughing, “I need to make up for a regret.”
“Then hurry up.” Fan Jialuo quickly tied Dr. Song’s shoelaces, but casually put on a pair of shoes for himself, and hurriedly helped him out the door.
Song Rui was covered in cold sweat, yet he clung desperately to the emotion that was causing him unbearable pain. He turned on the navigation, instructing Fan Jialuo to follow the voice prompts, and occasionally offering a few pointers. Fan Jialuo kept accelerating, his heart pounding with anxiety.
More than fifty minutes later, the two arrived at a cemetery, knelt in front of a tombstone, and looked at a photo of the couple on it.
“These are my parents.” Although it was clearly written on the tombstone, Song Rui still explained.
Fan Jialuo clasped his hands together and sincerely recited the scriptures.
Song Rui stared at the group photo for a long time before beginning to speak, “They died when I was sixteen. That year I was studying in the United States and led a psychological experiment about brainwashing and high-pressure rule.”
Fan Jialuo glanced at him.
He gave a bitter smile, “You might not understand if I say it like that, but I’ll give you an example and you’ll understand. Fascist rule is brainwashing and high-pressure tactics, an extremely cruel way of controlling people. I gathered more than a hundred test subjects, and in the end, they were all brainwashed by me. The experiment was a great success. But after it was over, one person committed suicide to show his loyalty to me.”
“But I don’t see any murderous intent in you.” Fan Jialuo shook his head.
“He failed. I arrived in time to save him.” Song Rui rubbed his temples, his voice full of regret, “I was charged because of this, and my parents had to quit their jobs and come to the United States to help me with the case. If convicted, I could serve more than thirty years in prison. They thought I had changed for the better, but they never expected that I would cause such a disaster as soon as I left their sight. They finally realized that I am a completely cold-blooded animal, no different from Hitler.”
Song Rui’s eyes began to redden, “They were heartbroken, but they still couldn’t bear to give up on me and hired the best lawyers to defend me. They asked me again and again, ‘Do you know you were wrong?'”
Fan Jialuo silently grasped his slightly trembling hand.
Song Rui took a deep breath, his voice hoarse, “I told them again and again——I did nothing wrong. We had a fierce argument, I refused all their help, spent a month studying law on my own, and contacted the people who participated in the experiment to change their testimonies. In the end, I defended myself and won a great victory, and was acquitted. When I walked out of the courtroom, I smiled and told them that I am who I am, and I will never change.”
Fan Jialuo gently stroked the back of his hand.
“They had completely given up on me. That very night, they drove away from my place and got into a car accident, dying instantly.” Song Rui’s straight back slowly hunched over, “I know that I was the one who caused their deaths, yet I felt not a shred of pain. At their funeral, my DaBo forced my head down, demanding that I shed tears for them and offer an apology, but I simply could not do it. I know that such behavior is wrong. I know the difference between good and evil. Yet, to me, those concepts are like exhibits displayed in a shop window——meant only to be observed, never to be touched. I know what a conscience is, but I have no need for such a thing.”
Song Rui touched his chest and shook his head, saying, “My heart is dead, no different from my parents lying in their coffins. How could I possibly feel sad or upset? For me at that time, shedding tears because of sadness, guilt, and grief would be harder than cutting open my heart and taking a handful of hot blood.”
“When my DaBo heard me say that, his gaze gradually turned cold. He finally gave up on me completely and kicked me out of the house. The Song family could not tolerate a heartless person, or rather, the whole world could not tolerate such a person. From then on, I learned to pretend.”
Fan Jialuo put his hand on his shoulder, trying to offer him some comfort.
Song Rui turned to look at him, and two hot tears suddenly streamed down his face, “But now, this cold and gloomy memory has gained warmth and color in my mind. I saw the glaring blood, felt the piercing pain, and experienced the belated regret. I can finally repay them for what I owed them for more than ten years.”
Song Rui caught his own tears, held them up to his parents’ black and white photo, and said in a trembling voice, “Dad, Mom, I’m sorry, I know I was wrong. Can you see how I’ve changed?”
The two figures on the tombstone gazed at him silently, their smiles seeming to soften. A cold wind blew around them, swaying the tall trees and rustling the bare branches, as if in response to his question. His tears streamed down his face uncontrollably, as if he were surrendering all the sorrow, regret, and self-blame he had owed for so many years.
He bent down and kowtowed forcefully, and then Fan Jialuo also bent down and kowtowed.
Song Rui bent down, and didn’t straighten up for a long time. He pressed his forehead against the ground, feeling his parents lying in eternal rest beneath the earth, his scalding tears striking their graves. His heart ached, but the darkness that had been building up deep within him was finally released.
Fan Jialuo was right, only now could he be considered a whole, flesh-and-blood human being. Even if such an experience was only fleeting, even if it was heart-wrenching, it was incomparably precious.
As Song Rui bowed and prostrated himself in deep repentance, an elderly man leaning on a cane slowly walked over. He was stunned by the sight, and the middle-aged man supporting him also wore an incredulous expression. The two men stood frozen, their gazes fixed on him. Song Rui, oblivious, kowtowed again after his first act of repentance, and then repented once more.
His forehead was covered in dust, his face was streaked with tears, and the pain in his eyes was like a deep, dark sea. He was trembling all over from crying, so the young man kneeling beside him had to hold his arm and softly say words of comfort.
The two bowed three times, recited a passage of scripture sincerely, and then stood up, bowed three times to the tombstone, and bid farewell in hushed tones.
“Mom and Dad, I’ll come to see you often from now on.” Song Rui clasped his hands together and made a promise, but when he turned around, he bumped into his uncle and cousin, who both looked surprised. He didn’t say a word to them, just nodded slightly and left, but the elderly man with gray hair was stunned by the intense emotion in his eyes.
The elderly man, leaning on his cane, quickly walked to the tombstone and immediately noticed the tear stains on the ground. Song Rui had actually cried. Although it was more than a decade late, he truly felt grief, regret, and self-blame for his parents’ deaths. He had come to pay his respects and sincerely repent and admit his mistakes——something the elderly man had never even dared to dream of.
He stared blankly at the photo of his younger brother and sister-in-law for a long while before snapping out of it and shouting at Song Rui’s back, “Hey you, didn’t you say you’d come to my birthday party last time? Why didn’t you come?”
Song Rui turned around and asked in surprise, “DaBo, are you talking to me?”
“Who else? A ghost?” The elderly man tapped the tear stains with his cane and said impatiently, “Come visit your parents more often in the future.”
“Of course.”
Seeing Song Rui’s matter-of-fact attitude, the elderly man waved his hand at him, meaning for him to leave quickly. But as he turned away, tears streamed down his face, and he murmured in barely audible voice, “I told you, there are no inherently bad people in this world. As long as you are human, you have a heart, and with a heart, you can change. XiaoDi! You see, your son knows he was wrong.”
The middle-aged man standing beside him quickly handed him a handkerchief, offering words of comfort while inwardly feeling quite emotional. This cousin seemed to have changed a lot, was it because of Fan Jialuo?
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